Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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