Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
