Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
