i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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