overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
