I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
