youre lurking in front of me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
