I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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