she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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