Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
