i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
