apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
