There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
