tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
