Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
