i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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