grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
