he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
