i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
