I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize