It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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