shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
no you cant smoke seaweed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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