if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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