nut hugger
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I wish I only lived at night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
