Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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