I think I died a long time ago.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i barfeds in our rink
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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