Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
