There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
