i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
