if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
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Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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