I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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