There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
