I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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