Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
