you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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