the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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