Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
