The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
