Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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