I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
