i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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