I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
