is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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