you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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