he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
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