When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
