ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
