So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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