Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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