One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
