i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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