Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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