he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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