I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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