Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
