This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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