i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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