I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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