i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
