You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
