They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
