I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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