It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
