Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
