just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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