I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
