The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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