drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
