So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize