the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
