He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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