I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize