Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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