Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
