Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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