is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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