apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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