he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
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Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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