I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
