Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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